How To Overcome & Grow From Setbacks

by | Jul 4, 2016 | 0 comments

Life happens when you live. The more you learn, take on and try the more opportunities you have to face setbacks.

When you put yourself out there and work with people, even if you have the best of intensions, inadvertently you’re going to make a mistake, miscommunicate or find yourself in the middle of a personality clash.

If you have the idea to try something you’ve never done before, even if you do a ton of research beforehand, when you first start doing – you quickly realise that things are not as easy as you thought they would be.

When you make a plan to be more active and exercise this week you inadvertently have to work late or you get a flat tire or there’s load shedding and the entire week’s worth of healthy meals you made have spoiled.

Things don’t always go as planned. Yes. That’s because ideas are safe, you don’t fail while you’re dreaming. You fail during the execution of your dream.

But we also get good though practice, by repeatedly doing the things we want to get good at.

You Fail Once You Start Trying

That’s why many people dream indefinitely and never actually follow through on their dreams. The fear of failing is way worse than the reward of achieving the dream.

But the reality is that failure is a given. A certainty.

Every successful person will be able to give you a long list of their failed attempts, yet they kept trying…

… and kept trying…

And eventually they succeeded.

But mistakes were definitely made along the way.

That ability to go for failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm is a vital life skill and it’s called –

Resilience

Successful people, happy people and healthy people find a way around, under, over or through the obstacles that stand between them and what they want.

Unsuccessful people quit when things get tough.

There’s a big difference between seeking resources and being resilient.

Using resources means that you’re leveraging things outside of yourself to achieve your goals. Which is a great skill, but it’s not enough.

Sure, most people will be able to get in shape if they can take 6 months off from life, work and family responsibilities.

But that’s also NOT an option for most people.

Being resilient on the other hand means you know that if you want something, you have to make it happen, all while the chaos of your life unfolds around you.

Resilient People Act Effectively
In ALL Situations

Especially the tough times.

People who lack resilience wait for the hard part to be over before they can get started and then give up when things start getting hard again.

And so their success or failure is always at the mercy of their circumstances.

People who battle the same struggles (money, time, lack of energy, excess weight) year in and year out, tend to look for resources instead of using their own resourcefulness and so they fall prey to schemes and fads.

They never develop the resilience to keep going when things start getting hard.

Luckily, the ability to cope with and rise to the inevitable challenges, problems and set-backs you meet in the course of your life, and come back stronger from them – can be learned like any other skill.

Through Deliberate Practice

Use the four points below to start building up your resilience day by day.

Eat Well, Be Active & Get Enough Sleep: Studies have shown that if we are stressed, hungry or tired we don’t make good choices. Self care is essential because if you don’t take care of yourself physically and mentally it negatively affects every single area of your life. When you are well rested, nourished and fit you’ll have more natural resilience than when you are stressed, malnourished and unfit. Get a proper strategy in place that makes it easy for you to eat well and stay fit.

Look For Lessons That Make You Stronger & Wiser: Never think of yourself as a victim in situations, look for the choices that lead to the situation so that you can learn from them and move on quickly. Sometimes bad stuff happens and you couldn’t have controlled it. But being a victim to something that you couldn’t control is not going to help you to become more resilient in life. Choose to look for lessons that will empower you.

Keep Negativity At Bay: Never blame anyone, not even yourself. Blame breeds fear & negativity. It is a useless emotion that will make you feel useless. Instead focus on trying to find a solution or making things right. Even if something is overwhelmingly negative, there is still some good that can come out of it. Train yourself to look for the sliver lining, even if you can’t see it at first. Know it’s there. Looking for your next positive move forward will help you to turn the situation around.

Parent Yourself: When we’re young we have parents that manage us and tell us to do the things that are good for us when we don’t feel like doing it. Like brushing our teeth and eating our veggies. We don’t have to think about the consequences of our actions because we have someone that will take care of us. You have to become your own parent, a.k.a. the responsible best friend in your relationship with yourself. When you make a mistake or face a challenge that rocks your world, remind yourself that it’s temporary and that it will pass. Remind yourself that you’re strong enough to get through this and that you hold up good during tough times.

Where have you shown true resilience in your journey to wellbeing? What obstacles did you overcome where you exceeded your own expectation? Let me know in the comments below.